So, I am at the grocery store the other day, with Kastle. He is not having the best day, and he is starting to get really overwhelmed. I can see the meltdown coming, and I am just trying to grab the last few things that I need, and get out the door before it happens, and BAM!!!! Opps. Too late, Mom. Missed the boat on that one. He throws his cheese sticks, and I end up chasing him down the aisle. All in all, it was a pretty minor meltdown, I got him calmed down in less than sixty seconds, he picked up his cheese sticks, and we continued shopping. Would have been a pretty minor event, except for...Her. I do not know who she was, had never seen the woman before in my life. She just happened to be in the same aisle we were in. She felt the need to come up to me and explain to me what a horrible mother I was, and how I was raising a "nasty, brat child", and how if I really cared about my son, I would send him to Real Parents that would Really Discipline Him, because I was a Failure. Now, I am the mother of a special needs child, who has a mental illness. As such, you have two choices: A)Develop a really thick skin, real quick-like and in a hurry; or B)Have a mental breakdown. Because you will always be judged. By everyone. And not just by random strangers, but by your friends, your family, your neighbors, your children's teachers, damn near every person you come into contact with. Honestly, it doesn't really bother me anymore. But I just can't help but wonder what world that these people live in that they think they can just say whatever pops into their head, at any point in time, to any person, and it just doesn't matter? Its ok? Nobody is perfect. You wouldn't like to be treated like that. It can really hurt.
This scenario does not only apply parents with mentally ill children. The bum you see begging on the corner? He could be mentally ill. Or he could be a vet that is disabled, and cannot work. Or maybe you are right, he really is a drunk, but you still don't know what events in his life led to his alcoholism or drug abuse. The pregnant teen? She could be a victim of rape, or incest. Or maybe she did use protection, and it failed. Or maybe she did make a mistake. Life is punishing her far worse than you ever could. You don't have the right to call her a slut. I could go on, and on with a million examples, but my point? Everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle. Some peoples' battles are just more apparent than others. Rather than call them names, or criticize them, why not hold out a hand?
~Jenny Ness
When have you been judged in your life? How did you react? How have you judged others? In retrospect, what do you wish you had done differently?
I was that pregnant teen. I have been judges by family, friends and especially strangers. Just recently the instances of being called her "nanny" ceased. I now have three beautiful kids and am still with their father (who is a disabled vet himself, and will continue to be judged because of his "invisible" illness). I cant say it was easy in the beginning, but I agree with you, developing a thick skin in the beginning is the only reason I am still sane. I look forward to following your blog!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time here. I came over from another blog, but do not remember where from now. Let me say first...wow! The nerve some people have.
ReplyDeleteI was the pregnant teen. I was the single mother. Being judged is hurtful, yet we are {mostly} all so quick to do it.
My son is almost 30 with a mental disability. It is hard to see a young man who was in college and very bright to become the person now who lives in a dark world and all the friends?! that use to be with him do not come, call, nor write to see how he is. I pray that one day the voices, the meds and his dreams return and bring my son back.
ReplyDeleteI mean that I pray that one day the voices go away; he does not have to take meds anymore and his dreams return and the nightmares disappear and bring back my son.
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